I am a very passionate person, and yes, that is a fancy way of saying I am an angry person.
I swear when my sports team gets scored on and curse my head off when they lose. But for the most part, I keep my cool.
There were times when the littlest thing made me lose my mind and turn me into a not so incredible Hulk. Though, instead of gaining super human strength, I would gain the amazing ability to, in an instant do something I regret. More often than not, Xbox 360 games have been the catalyst for my anger, and I’ve spent countless dollars on replacement controllers. If this column were a movie, this is where there would be a montage of me throwing controllers across rooms, on to the ground or into couch cushions, controllers dating back to Super Nintendo’s grey and purple paddle, to Playstation’s tie fighter-esque controller to the giant bulbous original Xbox controller and finally to the wireless controller all Xbox users are used to now. These poor wireless bastards have had it the toughest. Without being constrained by a wire, these babies are far more dangerous.
I don`t know why video games get my goat so easily, but they do.
My anger has been under control for a long time, it no longer pops off at things in everyday life. But video games, some of these fuckers still get me hard.
No, I`m not the guy on the other end of the Xbox live cursing, blaming my controller, calling you all cheats, crying and blowing snot bubbles into your ear. No, I`m the one on the other end of the microphone turning red punching the hell out of my couch pillows.
The funny part is, it isn`t even the typical games that get me going.
Call of Duty? Nope.
Halo? Only when it lags and I am unable to even play.
NHL 12? Nope.
These games make me angry, but losing is so regular in these titles that its par for course.
Lately, the two games that have got me going the worst are NBA 2k11, and Top Spin.
Between these two games, I haven’t broken a single controller, but they have cost me over $200 in damages.
Upon losing the Australian Open in Top Spin, to a very beatable opponent, I threw my hunter green, Halo: ODST edition Xbox controller at my sofa.
Sounds harmless enough, I know. However, being wireless, the controller had no safety cord to pull it back to Earth. So upon hitting the sofa, it took a giant bounce upwards, flying backwards over the sofa’s back and into the giant mirror hanging above the fire place.
I am sure you can picture the outcome.
If this were a movie, now would be the time there would be a slow motion scene of glass shattering and flying everywhere.
Like Bruce Banner, I turned green. Though it was because I thought I was going to be sick.
This video game I picked up, used, for $15, just got me so mad, I broke a $200 mirror.
Fuck. Me.
Add that $200 to all the replacement controllers I’ve had to buy, I can’t even fathom how much non-essential money I’ve spent on video games.
Game developers are starting to take it easy on a lot of us by adding features to make games less frustrating.
L.A. Noire has the most generous option I’ve encountered yet. It gives you the ability to skip a part of the game if you’ve failed it multiple times. Though, this could be seen as condescending and make some gamers more angry, I appreciate them giving us the choice.
I wouldn’t be surprised to see more games appeasing the casual gamer by adding this kind of “just give it to me” feature, but I know it won’t become common place. Hardcore gamers who want to bleed for every level won’t have it.
For games like Skyrim, whose puzzles can be aggravating as all hell, there are always online forums to help us less ambitious gamers. Though, as I mentioned, the source of most of my frustration are sports games. Perhaps developers can add more comprehensive training modes? Or a sell your soul to the Devil for a killer backhand or a good three-point shot feature.
I have no hopes of these features coming any time soon, but in spite of all the controllers broken, swears shouted and fists slammed onto tables in rage, I will keep fighting the good fight. I will keep buying these devices of torture and rage. I will keep making war against the pixels and the AI foes who keep me down.
For now, I have put NBA 2K11, and Top Spin down, and will focus on the less frustrating, more story driven games like Skyrim and Batman: Arkham City.
I will also continue to try and do my best Tim “the tool man” Taylor impersonation and blend a Wii type controller wrist strap to my new Xbox controller. This sounds easier than playing games in a padded room, or you know, working on my anger more.
Until next time, I wish you all better luck than I had at the Australian Open.
TAKE AWAY THOUGHT: In 64 Bits of Rage, Aaron and Scott will be sharing stories from their experiences in the wonderful world of video games. If you have any good stories, let us hear em! You can email us at speedrocketcreative@gmail.com or tweet us @speedrocketENT.
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